


Say My Name

by Satans_Fukcmeat



Series: Will you join us? [3]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, bc there's no mind-control going on, but it fits the most, could this be called
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23647552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satans_Fukcmeat/pseuds/Satans_Fukcmeat
Summary: Seonghwa can't wait.San wanted to wait.
Series: Will you join us? [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693192
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Say My Name

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of 'soft'? 
> 
> San tries to figure out what happened, how to feel about it, and what to do now.   
> Seonghwa does so, too. 
> 
> There are basically no warnings, if you think there some should be added please let me know and I'll correct it immediately.

To say San was miserable was an understatement.

He was so restless and unsettled with what Seonghwa had done, the others deemed him utterly excited and in a good mood. Not that they complained; but San did.

He could barely sleep, but that was alright with him. It gave him a feeling of safety to be awake and conscious in case Seonghwa would approach him again. The darkness was not what bothered him, it was the day-light that indicated he had to move, to get up and ready to interact and be around people.

Though, the worst parts of the day were when San was alone by himself. When he had to engage with his own head, his thoughts and memories; when he had to look at himself in the mirror, when he was reminded of his own appearance.

He couldn't help but imagine what he must have looked like to Seonghwa when he had caught him with the pil- it hadn't been the pillow. Or how small and insecure he must have seemed when Seonghwa asked all these silly questions. How he must have been red with shame and desperate under Seonghwa's heavy frame.

He couldn't help but imagine Seonghwa standing behind him, being able to see beyond San's head; Seonghwa standing next to him, his collarbones at eye-level with San; Seonghwa standing in front of San, hovering above him - caging him. It was so simple for Seonghwa to push San down, mentally and literally, San wondered how long Seonghwa had already been aware of that - but even more; why had he only taken action now? Why not sooner when San had bothered him?

Even though he didn't mean to, San kept being around Seonghwa, because San kept being around others and it was like an invitation for Seonghwa to join unsuspectantly. It was no better for San that he kept looking at Seonghwa, he felt like prey and he needed to know what Seonghwa was doing at all times.

It had been his mistake, so to say. He hadn't been ready, he hadn't seen it coming, he hadn't looked at Seonghwa when they had talked in his room. Now he would be ready. Now he would see him. Now he would watch Seonghwa. Now they wouldn't talk.

"Do you like Seonghwa-hyung?", Wooyoung asked suddenly from where he lay on Yunho's bed. San looked at him with wide eyes, forgetting whatever documentary on unsolved crimes he had been watching. "What?", he asked in English to underline his shock and confusion.

"Well, I mean it's obvious he likes you somewhat more than everyone else; he keeps trailing after you wherever you go. But you also keep looking at him when he's around. It would make sense", the younger one explained while picking his nails. San never thought about it like that.

What if Seonghwa followed the same logic and assumed San would fall for him? "I- I don't like him like that. I feel more like I'm bothering him." San shook his head in denial; it was ridiculous to think he would want to be around Seonghwa, nor the other way around. Well, maybe Seonghwa did want to be around San, probably even closer than that - thankfully he hadn't made another attempt at whatever it had been when he-

San didn't want to remember. He had had nightmares of it, of Seonghwa simply standing in front of him. Calm, sweet Seonghwa-hyung casually, cooly standing there, watching San.

San had felt like suffocating, like being restrained and pushed down, unable to move while his muscles ached with exhaustion. In his dreams he had been jerking, moving, trying to; screaming, crying and pleading for Seonghwa to stop - Stop what? He hadn't done anything, had he?

He had touched San when they were on that bed, had held him by his arms, leaning on him. He often held San by his arms, or shoulders just as every other member, too. That also hadn't exactly been the problem; but his words.

San had been-- Pretty? Like 'that'? He had been surprised, and scared all of a sudden. And Seonghwa has told him he looked pretty like that? It had probably been a prank, San rationalised, a prank to scare San and it had worked so Seonghwa was satisfied with the result - so San had been pretty.

But wasn't San always pretty?, he pouted at at the desperate call. Maybe he had just been prettier like that, so much prettier that Seonghwa had to point it out specifically for that moment.

"You should tell him. Don't make him get his hopes up high", Wooyoung grinned but San only nodded. It didn't sound too off. If Seonghwa was convinced he had San wrapped around his finger, and that San liked him back - in the case that Seonghwa liked San like that - San should tell him the truth. He should tell Seonghwa he wasn't romantically interested in him before Seonghwa made another attempt of taking matters into his own hands. San couldn't imagine how he was supposed to deal with another... situation like that.

To say he was terrified was an understatement. After another two nightmares, dream-Seonghwa had gradually come closer to him, still handsome and put like a mannequin, with San scrambling on the floor, crying in fear for his life but without moving one bit, and Seonghwa had leaned over him again and repeated the words like a broken record.

You're pretty, San. So pretty, he would smile. Pretty for me. So pretty like that.

"You look so pretty, San-ah", Seonghwa mused, somewhat distracted, in the middle of their snack break while recording. Yunho hummed in agreement, "Your hair goes into perfect beach waves when you let it air-dry." Wooyoung cackled, "No, it's his face, Yunho. Isn't it, hyung?"

San's eyes widen for a split second and he couldn't stop himself from staring at Seonghwa, who held his gaze, in anticipation of what he would do. Seonghwa only squinted subtly, as if he was amused by San's minor reaction, "It's just San. San is always pretty."

"Thanks", San answered awkwardly, "Maybe it's... the stress", he joked adding to their instructors greetings that morning; find a spot you'll be comfy in because you're going to spend a lot of time here soon.

"Nah, it's your face", Wooyoung grinned his signature grin when he knew he was annoying but still lovelable. San appreciated that Yunho and Wooyoung seemed to be unaware of the underlying bitter note Seonghwa's compliment carried and made the sitation less creepy; but San couldn't sleep that night yet again.

He really had to tell Seonghwa to keep it down. The older one was gradually becoming bolder again; staring way too directly, long, and intensely at San until he felt awkward, sitting down next to him and taking his hand in disguise of comfort when San wasn't feeling it, pushing him back and taking over whenever San was about to go and get something - mostly getting away from Seonghwa.

San was sure it was only a matter of time anymore until Seonghwa would knock on his door again and sit on his bed and-- San didn't want to let him come that far again. He wouldn't even spurt him on, he would only tell Seonghwa that it wasn't pleasant for San when he did whatever it had been and that San wasn't potentially interested in him.

The knowing grin that appeared on Seonghwa's lips more often now made San stressed out - Was he actually convinced San was seeking out for him? That couldn't be possible. Even though Seonghwa had asked San to not be alone that night - he must have known it had been unsettling to San - but also told him they weren't done yet had San buzzing everytime he escaped another chance of being left alone with Seonghwa. It hightened the possibility that Seonghwa would come and knock at his door.

Not that San would be surprised then - or doing something Seonghwa wasn't be supposed to see. San would be awake, sitting there in the darkness, Shiber hugged closely to his chest. Though, Seonghwa would probably take what he would want; San feared.

But with every passing time that San avoided Seonghwa, it only played into Seonghwa's arms. It spurred him on to watch San, to be close to him, to touch him in the most innocent way. It spurred him on to stare into San's soul, to corner him, to grab him in the most predatory way.

Of course, Seonghwa knew San's eyes weren't following his every movement out of love-interest - at least, he'd be utterly surprised if they were. He sensed the tension from the very first moment after the night when Seonghwa 'caught' him. He could see how uneasy San was around him but never enough to speak up. Or the pressure was becoming more, leaving San hopeless?

It was a thrill Seonghwa always thought he could never get enough of - but right now, he felt himself getting closer to a grey-zone he shouldn't get closer to. San's reaction to him was exactly what thrilled him. He knew San was sweet and innocent, that the younger one never meant to bother anyone and only wanted to feel good. There is nothing bad about it. But San was too sweet to tell Seonghwa off, San was too innocent to see thorugh what Seonghwa had in mind.

The fear had been real, the tears had been real, the confusion, the uncertainty. But also the will not to anger Seoghwa was real. The attempt not to let it affect the group. San was so sweet, wasn't he? Seonghwa couldn't wait to do it again.

But he wanted to wait. He wanted to see what else San would do as long as Seonghwa kept to himself. If San kept going to avoid him or to flee into the safety of another member's presence. Or if he let his guard down and relax again in the faux security that Seonghwa would stop and not reach out to him again. Seonghwa's mind kept playing one scenario after another - while he tried to forget about the most important one, though.

Before he could do anything, actually what he had done so far was already too much, he needed San to know it wouldn't be real. None of it. His hunger had overweight that one time and he was caught in a moral dilemma - To know San had been scared and helpless had felt amazing, and made his heart beat faster but if he betrayed San like this once, what would stop him from doing so again?San could argue like that and honestly, Seonghwa wouldn't blame him.

Still, hhe had to try it. San was the embodiment of perfection, the only one he would accept to fulfill his desire. But he needed San to know he would be safe. That it wouldn't be real. Seonghwa only wanted to push San into a position he wouldn't want to be in because it wouldn't be real. Seonghwa wouldn't hurt him, nor touch if San said so. Seonghwa mostly just wanted to watch him cry, to listen to him whimper, to feel him struggle, and to keep him exactly like that; caught, caged, with no way to escape, forced to give up.

It only needed to be cerdible. It wasn't going to be real, but Seonghwa would like to believe.

Maybe San would understand that, but Seonghwa didn't expected him to. Even if San agreed, Seonghwa would have to keep himself calm and control himself - of course for the sake of San. They would have to start slowly and test the waters. Seonghwa had never been engaged in such a relationship, only read about it, and these text weren't non-fiction, he highly doubted San had any experience. They both had to experiment and build up the trust. But Seonghwa was positive they would be able to work it out.

And even if San disagreed, Seonghwa would have had his chance to explan himself and that he certainly cared about San's well-being. And if San was disgusted and called him crazy, Seonghwa could defend himself saying he never did anything.

But- that one time he did something? When he did literally push San down on his bed, held his trembling frame and watched him cry helplessly beneath him. What that something? Seonghwa hadn't explicitly warned him about it, and San hadn't explicitly agreed to it. San could say it was proof Seonghwa didn't care, and that he was able to go past any allowance.

Seonghwa smiled to himself, though; what if San did agree? He sighed to himself, already overwhelmed by the rush of adrenaline caused by only an image. Well, he had enough images to his mind starting with the forbidden one but everytime San had looked at Seonghwa, so unsure of himself, he had only fed his fantasies. But somehow - surprisingly - Seonghwa wouldn't mind the task of convincing San that it would be alright. He could say all those untrue, dirty, poisoned phrases - a shudder went through all of his body; he couldn't wait.

He wished he could just jump right in and corner San against something in the next best room at the next best chance he got. San stood at the door, didn't try to make himself noticable, just observed; his eyes staring at nothing, lips pressed together, in his own world.

Seonghwa should stop thinking so much, his body was way too affected by San, his voice, his grin, his figure; but the thought of sporting a boner because of San and letting him know - while they were together with the other members... Another shudder shot through his spine and he could feel a definite knot in his abdomen. The idea of having San all to himself was like a drug to all of his senses. San would fidget and huff in discomfort and call for him. There was shuffling and soft scratching on the floor.

"Seonghwa-hyung?"

Unsure, puppy-dog expression on San's face; Seonghwa could hear it and hummed.

"Can we talk?"

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to point out typos and loop-holes etc. ESPECIALLY warnings that should be added!!  
> I couldn't think of any but I'll add them without question if you see them fitting!
> 
> Stay safe and healthy :)


End file.
